Big List: Elemental Last Gasp
Posted: 06 December 2009 08:29 AM   [ Ignore ]
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Crossing the finish line this Sunday with element 110, element 111, and element 112.

These are the only ones of which the news has come to Ha’vard,
And there may be many others, but they haven’t been discavard.

--Tom Lehrer

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Posted: 08 December 2009 11:24 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]
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Dave, What about Governmentium (Gv)?

The Unclear Physics Department of the University of Diegogarcity has recently discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 - 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each re-organization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Elementary my dear Dave?

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Posted: 13 December 2009 12:40 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]
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this made me laugh, which i’m afraid may be because of my physics background.
will someone take a stab at illuminating everyone on each pun?

critical morass <- critical mass, the minimum mass of fissile material needed for self-sustaining nuclear reaction

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